


Dying Wish

by BlazersEtc



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: M/M, No HEA, death cure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:11:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6041158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Thomas had read Newt’s letter before going to the palace and had convinced Newt to come back to the Berg?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This just hit me randomly and I had to write it. I love angst so this fic has no HEA. Sorry guys.

_Kill me. If you've ever been my friend, kill me._

Thomas's hands were shaking as he read the words over and over, trying to comprehend how Newt could ever mean these words. Newt was asking him to end his life, the person that he cared more about than anyone else, was asking him to take him out of this world-and suddenly everything went numb. Thomas didn't notice that he fell to the floor, or the tears that started to pour down his face, he didn't even notice when Mihno found him curled into a ball and clutching tightly at the letter a few moments later; all he could think about was Newt.

*****

If there had been a time when Thomas had felt terrified it was here in this moment. Forget grievers and WCKED, forget the scorch and the lightning and the cranks in the tunnels; this was a whole new kind of fear. This fear gripped at his inside and made his blood run cold and the closer they got to the bowling alley the more Thomas felt like he would collapse, maybe Mihno would have to drag his frozen ass out because Thomas wasn't sure he was going to be able to handle seeing Newt like this.

It didn't take long for their little group to find Newt, alone in a corner with a launcher clutched to his chest. To the typical observer Newt seemed out of place, no blood, no missing teeth, no crazed laughing or lost hair, no signs that he had a deadly virus. But to Thomas, there was something very very wrong.  Thomas had seen many emotions on Newt's face: contemplation, understanding, sadness, grief, confusion-but he'd never seen this look. Newt's eyes were so cold and dead they almost seemed black, the warm brown that Thomas was so used to seeing was gone, replaced with a color that chilled Thomas to the bone. He hardly noticed Mihno speaking or what words were exchanged, his mind had blanked when he'd noticed Newt's eyes but now he tried to listen.

"I'm....not well." Newt said, looking between Mihno and Thomas. "Honestly, I appreciate you buggin' shanks coming for me. I meant it. But this si where it bloody ends. This is when you turn around and  walk back out that door and head for your Berg and fly away. Do you understand me?"

Thomas didn't think anything that Newt said could hurt so much . Thomas's eyes filled with hurt as he looked at the blonde, realizing now just how scared the boy looked. His face was a mask of strength and finality, as if this were an easy thing to say to the lot of them, but Thomas could see the struggle behind his eyes. Mihno's words were drowned out again as Thomas tried to remind himself to breathe, to remind himself that Newt was here in front of him and he wasn't gone yet. He was still sane.

"...If you had the Flare and knew what you were about to go through, would you want your friends  to stand around and watch? Huh? Would you want that?" Newt was shouting, his body shaking with either rage or fear, Thomas wasn't quite sure which one it was.

"No, I wouldn't." Thomas's voice was quiet, surprised that he'd spoken at first but then his voice became more sure. "I would want to stand by and help them as best I could until I found the cure. I would try to stay with them until I couldn't stand it anymore; and when the time came, if I couldn't get the cure, I would want to die surrounded by friends and not by crazy cranks. I would owe it to them to say goodbye."

Mihno's eyebrows raised at Thomas's sudden outburst, his arm twitching to reach out and hold Thomas back from what could be a very violent Newt; but the need to never came because Newt was listening to Thomas's words. His body relaxed a bit as his eyes softened just the slightest, his launcher lowered and he looked at his feet, almost ashamed of himself.

"What if I hurt you?" Newt's voice was quiet now, the traces of anger in his voice were completely gone.

"You won't. I'll tie you up and throw you in the supply closet of the Berg if I have to, but I'd feel a lot better knowing that you're close by where we can get the cure to you when we find it."

Newt didn't say a word to Thomas, instead he slowly passed his launcher to Mihno. "Don't bloody shoot anyone on our side Shuck face. We might need this to get out of here safely."

******

The trip back to the Berg had contained a bit too much running for Thomas's liking, he'd had enough action for one day and fighting his way out of the palace and on to the Berg hadn't been his idea of a good time. The second they arrived back on the ship Newt had gone to shower and get cleaned up and Thomas had opted to lay down for a moment to try and rest, Newt's letter clutched in his hand. For the time being they weren't traceable and Thomas desperately needed a break from the constant movement and stress; he could only imagine how putting Newt through this every day had progressed the Flare and he didn't want to think about it.

Thomas heard someone coming into his room but he didn't open his eyes, knowing exactly who it was from the sound of their footsteps. "Feeling better?"

Newt smiled softly, though there was something off about the way his lips turned up. "Bloody amazing. I'm clean on the outside but I still feel like klunk on the inside."

Newt's smiles always filled Thomas with warmth, reassuring him that everything would be okay, if not now one day; but right now as Thomas's eyes opened to look up at the blonde he didn't find that feeling. Newt flopped down on the bed beside Thomas, folding his hands over his stomach and staring at the ceiling. Newt had thrown on a pair of pants and a sweatshirt that he'd managed to smuggle out of his pack when they'd left to wander into the scorch and though it wasn't anything special the sight of Newt looking like Newt and not-well, a crank-made Thomas feel safe.

"You read the letter." It wasn't an accusation, just a fact. Newt had spotted the slip of paper on his way in the room and Thomas blushed faintly realizing that he was still holding it.

"I did. I'm not going to do it Newt. Wicked has a cure and I'm not going to stop until you have it."

Newt smiled a sarcastic smile,  the kind Thomas was used to seeing from Mihno or Gally but never from Newt. "Yeah. You keep bloody believing that. There isn't a cure Tommy. If there was we would have been given it ages ago."

The venom in his voice made Thomas flinch slightly but Newt was unapologetic, his eyes still glued to the ceiling as Thomas looked at him.

"There has to be a way."

Newt turned his head to look at Thomas, his eyes softening as he saw the desperation in Thomas's eyes. The blonde reached out to gently run his fingers though Thomas's hair, a gesture he knew calmed the other boy. "I missed you."

Thomas knew that Newt was deflecting, but the way his voice sounded so soft and sincere, Thomas couldn't ignore it. "I missed you too." Thomas reached a hand out to trace Newt's hipbone with his thumb, a familiar gesture to him. The silence the two fell into wasn't awkward, it calmed them both and before Thomas could even think about it he was leaning forward to meet Newt's lips in a kiss.

Newt's body immediately melted into Thomas's touch, the actions so familiar that it almost surprised him how easy it was. Stolen kisses in the glade, hiding away in the map room, sneaking off to the homestead for less than innocent actions, sharing showers and beds before they'd entered the scorch, and quick stolen kisses as they laid together in the sand-all of these things reminded Newt of home.

"I love you." Newt said quietly as he broke the kiss for air. Thomas's throat felt tight as he nodded, "I love you too. Always." Thomas pulled Newt closer by the hips and pulled Newt's lips back to his own, deepening the kiss. Tongues danced but the usual frenzy they got into was replaced with a need to reconnect, to make sure the other was really there-and for Newt it was a way to stay sane. Thomas's kiss grounded him, reminded him of what he was trying for and why he needed to make this the most amazing goodbye that he could.

It didn't take long for hands to start roaming. Thomas got Newt out of his clothes quicker than he would ever admit to and Newt only struggled for a moment with Thomas's belt before he was throwing the last bit of cloth aside. Newt's hands ran along Thomas's arms, admiring the muscles there, so much more defined since their first time in the glade. In turn Thomas was busy running his hands over Newt's abs and chest, running his thumb over Newt's nipples when he came to them, knowing the shiver and moan it would elicit from Newt. Each one knew exactly what the other needed and they wasted no time in giving each other what they wanted, knowing each other too well to do anything but.

"Please, Tommy, Please." Newt gasped as his hips rolled towards Thomas's body of their own accord. Newt needed Thomas more than he ever had before; he needed to know that he was doing the right thing, because Thomas loved him and that meant Newt had to keep him safe-even if it meant saying goodbye.

Thomas nodded, a sudden desperation had set in like nothing that he'd ever felt before. Every inch of Newt's skin was calling out to Thomas to touch, to taste, to memorize. Thomas slowly rolled them so that Newt was on his back and gently nudged Newt's legs apart with his knee. "I've got you." Thomas said softly, reaching down to rub soothing circle on Newt's inner thigh. "I've got you."

Moans fell from Newt's mouth like a waterfall, swears and curses were followed by 'Tommy' and various pleas as Thomas prepped his boyfriend. There were no thoughts of Newt's situation, of the fact that the flare was eating away at his brain or that this may be the last time they got to do this; the only thought in Thomas's mind was about making Newt feel loved.

Thomas moaned as he finally found himself surrounded by Newt. Their breathing in sync as they revealed in the feeling of being so close. Newt's nails dug into Thomas's back as he started to move, "Tommy!" The plea wrapped around Thomas's heart and squeezed and it felt as if all the air was being pulled from his lungs. "Tommy please!" Thomas whined, wanting to make this last as long as possible, to keep them in this moment forever; but he could see it in Newt's eyes that he needed this.

"Please..."Newt's voice was suddenly more broken as he realized exactly what Thomas was trying to do. In the following days Newt knew that he'd need a memory to keep him sane, or as sane as he could be, and this memory right here was the one he was going to need, the one thing that could remind him why he tried-Thomas.

"Newt..." Thomas breathed, unable to hold himself back any longer. He came only a few seconds before Newt, both of them moaning together, hands dug into skin so harshly that they drew blood; but neither boy cared, because what did a few more physical scars matter when the ones ont he inside were so much harder to heal.

As they came down Thomas gently rolled off of Newt and pulled him close, kissing Newt's forehead. "I love you." Thomas breathed, smiling softly at Newt before his eyes started to droop.

"I love you too, Tommy." Was the last thing Thomas heard before he drifted off.

***

When Thomas awake several hours later it was to an empty bed. At first Thomas thought that Newt had run to the bathroom but the bed was cold and in Newt's place was a small envelope with the name "Tommy" on the front. Thomas wasted no time ripping it open, his heart hammering in his chest, threatening to choke the life out of him. 

  
_Tommy,_

_I know you said you wanted me to fight; but I can't. I'm too far gone. I want you to know that the reason I am leaving is because I love you. I don't want to hurt you, but maybe this will hurt less than me trying to tear you apart later down the road. Last night was the best night of my life, and as long as I live I will never forget it. You are my cure, Tommy._

_What I said still stands. If we cross paths again you know what you need to do. If you've ever loved me, you'll kill me._

_-Newt_

Thomas broke down into sobs, clutching the letter to his chest.

****

"Kill me or I'll kill you. Kill me! Do it!"

"Newt..."  Thomas's heart was breaking in his chest, tears were starting to form in his eyes.

"Do it before I become one of them!" The first in Newt's eyes was real. He was angry at the world, angry at wicked, angry at the whole situation but never at Thomas.

"I..." Thomas didn't want this. He wanted the cure. He wanted Newt to be smiling and limping his way to breakfast like he had ever morning in the glade. He wanted to hold Newt's hand every day for the rest of his life and stay up late giggling over Mihno's mood swings, he didn't want to let Newt go.

"KILL ME!" And then NEwt's eyes cleared, as if he'd gained one last trembling grasp of sanity. In that moment their last night together came flooding back into Newt's Flare filled mind and he knew what he was asking of the boy below him, but he knew it was the one and only thing he would ever ask of Thomas.

Newt's voice softened, a quiet sob escaping his lips. "Please, Tommy, Please."

With his heart breaking in two, Thomas pulled the trigger. "I've got you. Always."


End file.
